One bare foot after another pressed uncomfortably into the thick rope of the cargo net. The angle steepening until it became sheer vertical. Reaching to the U shaped staples fastened around the thick post to finish my climb to the top of the tower. Determined to make it. Actually, unsure if not making it is an option.
Tori has already jumped. So has Eli. I was the last in the little line of the people I went to the water park with to climb to the zipline. Finally; standing at the top, getting clipped in, and pondering how minutes before I was worried about 10 year old Tori making it and now I am the one at the pinnacle ready to jump and wondering how.
I checked the carabiners twice. I always used to when rock climbing and it seemed to be the right thing to do, when I did not know what else to do in this foreign situation. I have on a rock wall in years though and this was different. Now I am standing facing a thin wire and it is time to let go; to zip down through the use of gravity against wind and metal resistance until my toes reach the water ultimately slowed by my butt; I am desperately hoping my bottoms stay on while dragging against the water; until from a stop I back stroke, propelling myself easily to the end. I am told this is the process but have yet to do it.
While it was a physical challenge to get up to the top it was ok and do-able, but this letting go things was altogether different. How do you let go of something you can not see? Of something that you do not know you are holding? When you have never had to consciously let go before? I launched myself into the open air over the flooded quarry eventually by holding the tether that clipped me onto the wire and leaning forward until I could lift my legs. Whoosh! Down I went.
It was exhilarating to fly over the water. I whooped and laughed; enjoyed every moment, still in awe that I had leaped in the first place. Again. Climbing; uncomfortable pressure on the feet, challenging the body. Letting go. Again and again.
Yet still after several trips I would wonder for a moment how to let go.
There is no advice here, just a reflection of my experience. I imagine I am going to continue to walk up to the edge of experiences in life and wonder. Perhaps when it comes to the zipline I will find my way and eventually feel confident in my letting go there, but what about the other areas in my life where the letting go is not as obvious?